Fucking gipsy-pseudo-fan emo poser.

Q: Why did Blind Guardian cross the road?
A: To slay the DRAGON!!!

Q: How many members of Blind Guardian does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the bulb and one to SLAY THE DRAGON!!!

Q: Sitting on a table are three things: A mighty claymore, a flaming orb, and a poisioned arrow. What is hardest for the members of Blind Guardian to grasp?
A: Reality.

Q: What's the difference between Blind Guardian and Japanese food?
A: Japanese food is popular in America.

Q: What's the difference between Blind Guardian and a traveler's cheque?
A: Traveler's cheques are unpopular in Japan.

Q: What's the difference between Blind Guardian and a porno mag?
A: A porno mag leaves nothing to the imagination.

Q: How do you make a Metal guitarist play quieter?
A: Put sheet music in front of him.

Q: Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car?
A: He had to break the window to let the drummer out!

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?
A: The drummer.

Q: What do you do when a drummer shows up at your door?
A: Tip him and pay for the pizza.

Q: How do you know that the drum rise is uneven?
A: The drummer is only drooling out of one side of his mouth!

Q: What do you call a metal musician without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: A goth, a metalhead, and a punk rocker were living together on the top floor of an apartment complex....the building catches fire...which one survives?
A: The Metalhead because he/she is at work.

Q. Malmsteen wanted to kill himself, how did he do it?
A. Jumped off his ego.

Q. Whats 300 metres long and has no pubic hair?
A. The queue to the Blink 182 show

Q.How many progressive rockers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.One, but it takes him 22 minutes.

Q. Why is the cow the most metal animal on the planet?
A. Its always wearing leather and its horns are always up


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The Warrior, the Princess, and the Dragon

Think about the following situation: "In a castle there is a beautiful princess guarded by a huge, terrible dragon."
This is the way the situation would be put according to each style:

POWERMETAL: The main character (warrior) arrives to the castle on a white horse with wings, fools the dragon, rescues the princess and then they go far away and make love.

TRUE METAL: The main character arrives the to the castle, defeats the dragon on a battle using his sword. Swamp in blood he does it with the princess.

TRASH METAL: The main character arrives to the castle, fights the dragon, rescues the princess and makes love to her.

HEAVY METAL: The main character arrives to the castle in a Harley Davidson and kills the dragon. He and the princess inhale some cocaine and then they do it.

FOLK METAL: The main character arrives with several friends playing the acordeon, alude, violin and other strange instruments. The dragon falls asleep after all the dancing and then they left...without the princess.

VIKING METAL: The main character arrives on a ship, kills the dragon with his axe, he cooks it, and eats it. Then he rapes the princess, steals everything in the castle and sets the castle on fire.

BLACK METAL: In the mist of the morning, the main character kills the dragon and impales it. He sodomizes the princess, he cuts her neck with a dagger and drinks her blood on a ritual before he kills her. Then he finds out she wasn't virgin and he impales her next to the dragon.

DEATH METAL: The main character arrives, kills the dragon, does it with the princess, kills her and then he leaves.

GORE METAL: He arrives and kills the dragon. Goes to the castle, f***s the princess, and kills her. After that, he does it again. He burns the princess' body and then again he f***s her.

DOOM METAL: HE arrives to the castle, he sees the size of the dragon so gets depressed and kills himself. The dragon eats him and the it eats the princess.

NU METAL: He arrives to the castle, and boasts about how good he is fighting and that he can kill the dragon at once. He pitifully loses and he's done s**t. He runs away and finds the princess, he tells her about his tragic childhood. She slaps him and goes in search of the "HEAVY METAL" main character. The "NU" main character takes a prozak and records a "The Best Of" album.

ClASSIC ROCK 'N ROLL: He arrives on a motorcycle smoking a joint and he offers it to the dragon who turned out to be his friend. He goes camping with the princess to the castle's most isolated place, and after a lot of sex, drugs, and rock n'roll he has a LSD overdose and dies drowned in his own vomit.

PUNK: He throws a rock to the dragon and then runs away. He paints the anarchy "A" on a castle wall. He makes the princess one of those spikey hairdos and opens a kiosk in one of the castle halls.

PROGRESSIVE: He arrives and starts playing a 26-min. guitar solo. The dragon dies of boredom. He goes to the princess and plays another solo exploring every tone and compas skills he learned on his last year in the conservatory. The princess flees in search of the "HEAVY METAL" main character.

HARD ROCK: He arrives to the castle on a red convertible accompanied by two huge-breasted blondes and drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels. He kills the dragon with a knife and then he makes an orgy with the two blondes and the princess.

GLAM: He arrives to the castle. The dragon laughes so hard when it sees him that it lets him pass. He enters the castle, he steals the princess' hair products and makeup. Then he convinces the dragon to paint the castle pink and he makes it some rays.

GOTHIC: The main character is wearing all black and talking about how beautiful would it be dying by cutting his veins while he walks. When he arrives to the castle he sees the dragon and thinks it is very horrid so he hangs himself of the nearest tree to show the dragon he's even more horrid.


p.s. Sonata Artica rulez
p.s.2 Sorry, не се сдържах да не ги пейстна тези неща..